I lost my job on Tuesday. I was fine, and then I panicked in a way I hadn’t in years. I forgot how it easy it is to be unsure of things. I forgot what it is like to start all over again. You think that it will be easier once you are older because with age comes wisdom, but that is not the case. I am older, but I know now how risky everything is, how nothing is as straightforward and rational as we want it all to be. Things won’t happen the way we want them to…maybe they are not supposed to in the end.
With that said, I took a shot of fireball with my coworker at 5 and knew that change is not always wrong or bad. Sometimes we must be forced out of the situations we find ourselves in. Sometimes our comfort is lacking, but we stay put because it is all we know. I’ve been there with relationships, with friendships especially. We play these scenarios out again and again until we learn from the past. Eventually, we become better and stronger. But it takes time and care. I’m learning to take care of myself.
I was naive to believe we are concerned for each other - strangers and family alike - equally. I was naive to think that we are all strong in mind and body. I was naive to think of anyone but myself. I was naive to try when everything told me not to again and again.
Read whatever you can get your hands on. Everyone says this, but it’s true. I don’t discriminate. Novels, essays, poetry, nonfiction … basically anything. I don’t know if I’m where I want to be as a writer (are we ever?) but I do know my writing is stronger the more I read, the more ideas are running through my head, the more I have a better idea of what I do and don’t like, do and don’t believe, do and don’t trust.
It doesn’t sound stalkerish! And I wish I lived in England too (or at least got a chance to visit). My current favorite music certainly comes from there! Thank you for the message :D