I wish it was as easy for me to move someplace else as it is for so many of my friends. They see other places as chances, as means to an end, as an extension of what they want in the world. But I see them as impenetrable forces. I’ve never visited a city that I didn’t love. Because I can not imagine myself within them permanently, I instead feel appreciative of what they offer. If I were to dig deeper though (and by deeper, I mean deeper within myself), I would need to escape and quickly.
She asked me how I was doing and I said I was fine. But the more I talked, the angrier I got, until my anger was the only thing I saw. The injustice was the only thing I saw. The racism was the only thing I saw. The costs were the only thing I saw.
"I used to think these things happened to me because there was something wrong with me, that I was the common denominator. But now I know that it is every woman and that it is always. Now I know that the world is just fucked up."
"And how did it feel to say all of that?" she asked.
Well, it felt better than pushing it aside to assuage people’s moods. It felt right.
On twitter, I described Juce’s music as an ESG/late-Spice Girls hybrid and I stick by that assessment. That bass is a straight-up tribute to ESG and that harmonies remind me perfect Spice Girls singles like “Say You’ll Be There.” I never knew I needed this combination until now.
"Wrote a Song About You" by MNEK (Kaytranada edition)
I think I’m at the point no where I just post any and everything Kaytranada creates. His sound is so distinct and always successful. Maybe it’s because he makes it all seem so easy that I’m endlessly fascinated. Or maybe it’s because I’ve never known a contemporary producer to create such instant, booty-shaking jams as Kaytranada. Teaming up with MNEK and elevating his silky, honey-vocals is the sort of collaboration I wished happened months and months ago.
Although I’ve previously written for Noisey, my first essay for Vice proper premiered today. It is about black subcultures and the internet. It was difficult thinking about the images for the story. I sat at an Intelligentsia downtown with my friend Maurene discussing projects for Inland when Kenya and V walked by.
"They’re perfect!" I shouted.
Maurene ran after them while they were running after a group of men nearby. The above images aren’t stylized. We asked them to dress in their normal style and they even dressed down from how we saw them in the street. Even more than my story, I’m excited to share these stunning images.
This has been giving me so many mid-90s feels. A reminder that I’m only 26 and so when I mention this, I’m talking about my memories of back seats and MTV and dance classes. I’m so excited by this new, sharp, joyous direction for Moko. In terms of the efforts and style cues of UK pop house, she has nailed it even more than her contemporaries. I’m obsessed in the best possible way.
“For girls who are aware that our culture expects them to be benignly happy, shiny objects—smile for me, baby—there can be a defiance in not only embracing sadness online, but cultivating a kind of ambiguity as to where the performed feeling ends and the “genuine” feeling begins.”
I’ve been thinking about this in the context of why the internet has been and continues to be an important outlet for me. It doesn’t hold the same weight as it did when I was 18 or 19 or 20 years old, but still, I turn to it because it allows me to be vulnerable in public.
There are levels of performativity in cultivating an online identity, or at least it seems that way. But maybe we cling to our online identities because we need them to feel like complete human beings. Maybe it’s not performing at all so much as releasing parts of ourselves that previously had no way of being given the light to shine and prosper.
I do not know what I would have done if I did not have words to save me. And the keyboard became an easier method of communication. I still cherish writing by hand; it gives me the means of clarifying my thoughts in a way that a computer screen can’t. But the access to a keyboard also allowed me the possibility of quickness and ease. Let me spew forth this sadness right now.
“Doing what you love can help with this. Doing what you love allows you to remember so well, to feel so closely how you have loved, that you can forget the space between yourself and the words you draw with. Forget the distance between you and everything, everyone, else. Love becomes transmutable. Freud knew this. Writing can be an effective replacement mechanism—and in its solitude, there is antidote for the deepest loneliness.”
Unlike most performers, I found and fell in love with Ry X’s music through a remix of his stunning “Howling” by Âme And I’m thankful that I did. I hear he track constantly while I’m out as if it’s a remember to take a quick break from the bass of the dance floor. The yearning. His voice also doesn’t hurt in selling each note as if it is th most important in the world.
It’s always so great to hear new music from Majical Cloudz. Despite my current love of bleeps and bloops, I’ve always found utterly earnest vocalists so compelling. That sort of authentic, raw vulnerability sounds so rare on contemporary records, but when you hear it, you can’t help but turn to it again and again.
I realize it’s nearly midnight, but imagine it is the late afternoon. The weight of the sun is finally lessening. The humidity is dropping. Here and there, you feel a nice, light breeze. It is summer and maybe you are by a pool or maybe you are in a place like where I was today: a beautiful rooftop with views of the skyline and a restless house beats. This song would sound perfect there. But really, it’s so good that you’ll listen to it whenever, even right before midnight.