Goodbye, Chicago

(an excerpt from “Time Lapse” on my other blog)

And so I’m done with it.

I loathe it all.

I hate the hyper-segregation that people pretends doesn’t exist. I hate white girls calling me ugly and black girls calling me an “oreo”. I hate black guys calling me a traitor and white guys calling me fat. I hate the hipster scene. I hate the club head scene. I hate the bro scene. I hate racist frat boys from the Midwest. I hate pretentious art students from the suburbs. I hate the winter. I hate the racism. I hate feeling like shit because I’m treated like shit. I hate that we act like we are truly a second city. I hate the lack of culture, of fashion, of creativity. I hate the entitled drivers and the reckless bikers. I hate the CTA. I hate the gentrification and displacement and racial hierarchies. I hate the pet owners who won’t clean up their dogs shit and the Lincoln Park old money. I hate the Cubs. I hate the Sox. I hate the rivalry. I hate the North Side and the South Side and the fact that people completely omit the West Side and pretend like the rivalry is not about race…when it is. I hate people staring at me. I hate feeling like an outsider. I hate people not knowing where I’m coming from or what I’m feeling. I hate dumb questions about my hair or my skin or idiotic assumptions about my background. I hate that we pretend and ignore and act immature, childish and naive. I hate it all and I hate that it affects me so, makes me resentful. I hate that I can’t be myself, that I don’t know myself and that, the longer I stay here, the more that will be true.